A few weeks ago, my brother and I were interviewed for the Gay Mormon Stories podcast by Daniel Parkinson. It was a lot of fun and I’m so grateful to be a part of it! We talked about what it was like growing up as Mormons with a gay dad (who lived in another state), how our family has developed over the years, our eventual path out of the Church, and our new relationship with our dad as activists for homosexual equality. The podcast went live this morning – Part 1 and Part 2. (Update – my mom’s interview is now up as well – Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. My dad’s is up as well – Part 1 and Part 2)
As you listen, I hope you’ll consider some of these questions:
- “What would it be like for a 10- and 13-year-old to find out that their dad is gay?”
- “How would that knowledge affect their Mormon faith and their relationship with their dad?”
Within a few weeks, my mom’s podcast and my dad’s podcast will also be available. My earnest hope is that this conversation will be helpful. I’ve become a little cynical lately by how difficult it is for us all to understand each other, impossible even (see Sunrise). I hope you’ll listen, try to see things from our perspective, and then consider what you think about it yourself.
One thing I want to make clear is that you don’t need to leave the Church to accept gay people – many faithful Mormons already have. Nathan and I are, however, the personal witnesses of the damage narrow doctrine can cause to families and we talk about that quite a bit in this podcast. That was our experience.
Also, Nathan and I didn’t leave the Church because of doctrines about homosexuality, though they did challenge us in important ways. We simply feel closer to our dad after losing the belief that he couldn’t be happy without the gospel. Please understand that what I’m talking about here is sincere pain I felt while growing up, feeling that my dad was a bad person for choosing to be gay.
What I want to see is more Mormons who embrace the gay people in their communities. So many gay Mormons are still ostracized by their families. In fact, 42% of homeless youth in Utah are gay! Many of them were kicked out of their homes by their Mormon families in a “My way or the highway” sort of way. How many others have committed suicide? Or lived in depression? Or thought, for the majority of their lives, that they were wicked or “depraved?” Or developed psychological problems or been pushed to “greater sins” as a result of losing everything because of their family’s response to their sexual orientation? Whether or not you believe homosexuality is OK in God’s eyes, the way Mormon culture currently approaches it is hurting a lot of people, my family included.
For the sake of all the young Mormon boys who will tell their fathers, with strained voices and watery eyes, that they like boys instead of girls (and for the sake of the lesbians and bis and transgenders and everyone else too), please – let’s drop our differences for a minute and talk.
Gun laws, gay marriage, Obama-care, all the polarizing topics we argue about every day, let’s cut it out for a minute, look around, and see things through other’s eyes for a minute. Let’s realize that while we bicker, each as confident in our own positions as we were when we acquired them 10 years ago, others around us are experiencing a very real pain. They need friendship, they need understanding, they need loved ones who listen and don’t judge, who don’t trivialize their inner struggles, who don’t assume things about why or what they do, but who just listen to them and trust them.
So here you go – you have an opportunity to sit back and listen for a bit, to see the world through our eyes as we talk about our past. I hope you’ll take the chance, and then I hope you’ll help me see through yours by responding.
My mom’s interview is up! Click here to listen.